Yikes, it's been way over a month since I posted. I really did start this blog with the intent of writing at least every other day, but life gets in the way I guess :) Anyhow, this post has the potential to be very long and might be all over the place, so hopefully you can hang in and read to the very end of this one.
Let's see....a couple months ago, my mother fell down her stairs and shattered her ankle. She had to have surgery and then had to recover a bit in a nursing home type thing. She's back at her home now, and seems to be doing well, except for a little cabin fever. Im so grateful that my sister Cathy and my niece Sarah were there to help her, since I cannot get there to help her (or my father either, who is in poor health..thank god for Cody being there) due to this stupid disorder of mine. Nothing like feeling helpless when your parents need you :/
May was a terrible month for me this year. Mother's day was absolutely horrible...spent all day in my room crying. My birthday was fine, but it was the first birthday since getting diabetes, and it was hard to not demolish the super cool Avenger's cake I had. I also had to make some seriously difficult decisions and changes in May, and people with severe anxiety like mine HATE change...it makes us feel like we don't have a handle on whats going on around us, like we have lost control. Unfortunately there are times in life when you can't control what is happening, it is what it is, and those are the most trying times for people like myself.
One of the changes I had to make, was removing someone from my life that never really was a friend to me thought they always claimed they were. It wasn't a planned thing, it was brought on by a comment this person made to me and it was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. I had known this person since 1989, and all through our "friendship" there were comments of me being a bad parent, times (early on when we had more than friendship) when I depended on this person for my welfare and my son's welfare where I was forced to leave my home, having to deal with women who had an addiction of some kind always coming before all his children.......I even had to put up with one of his women trying to sabotage my social security case years ago, and when he was told about it, he ignored the situation so his woman would not get mad at him. The comments about me being a bad parent were probably the worst....he always was commenting negatively about my parenting. Finally a couple weeks ago, he made yet another comment about it, and I snapped. I cut off all ties with him. Was it hard, yes. I think the hardest part tho, is that he thinks everything he did was ok...he really thinks that all these years he was such a good friend to me :(
Anyhow, that was a hard thing to do and it is having a not so great result on my son and I's relationship at this moment :( I am confident tho, that it will get better. At least, I am hoping it will get better :(
On a brighter note, I have made a new friend :) It's really hard for me to make friends and keep them (anxiety people are usually looked at as "high maintenance" people and being friends with us and our limitations is too much for a lot of folks) but my disorder doesn't seem to be an issue for her so that's way cool :)
We got a new dog for my youngest son, but for some reason the dog is attached to my hip haha. It's a year and half old Chihuahua named Rocco. He's a great dog, potty trained, listens well, and him and Cinnamon get along great. He's a larger Chihuahua, about the size of an adult cat, and doesn't sit there and shiver and whimper like the smaller ones tend to do. He also doesn't bark a whole lot, unless he hears something outside a door, then he barks the walls down. Good for home security I guess, since Cinnamon the chocolate lab will just take folks by the hand and bring them in the house to play with her :/ Rocco is easier for me to walk too, so I take him with me when I do my exercising to lower that annoying blood sugar.
Speaking of blood sugar.....yeah, diabetes sucks. I am actually beginning to envy the people who take insulin shots...they can eat things, and just take enough insulin to regulate their bodies. Not so easy for those of us who try to control it with diet/exercise....and when you add in the dental issues I have so that limits my food even MORE...yeah, diabetes is the suck. My fasting blood sugar (your blood sugar reading when you first wake up) is horrible...at least it is for me. It runs between 150 and 180, bleah. My readings during the day run between 130 and 165 so that's not TOO bad, but I want it to be better. Couple months ago I busted out a 258 in the middle of the day and that scared the shit out of me. I have a neat meter that shows your averages tho, and as of today my 7 day average is 152, and my 90 day average is also 152 so it could be worse. Stress is a huge issue for me too, and I think that is a big part of the blood sugars not being where I want them to be.
And that leads me to this.....we are going to be moving. Tentatively before next fall, but that's subject to change. We will be staying in town of course, but for my health I have to remove myself from the environment I am in now. Those of you who pray, please add us to those prayers that a place opens up for us very very soon.
I think that's about it for now. Wow, told you it might be long hehe. Anyways, thanks for reading.
Peace for all of you,
Shannon
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