So here's the deal. As you all know, its been rough for me the last couple of months. So my blog posts have not been happy ones, and neither have my facebook statuses. Lots of negativity and crying, bitching, etc. I know that I made this blog site for the sole purpose of keeping that off my FB, but some of it did come through on facebook simply because every friend I have in the world is on there, and when shit gets rough you reach out to your friends, right?
Wrong.
Apparently one of my high school friends, her daughters, and her mother all decided that I wasn't worth being friends with anymore because I am so negative lately. I noticed a couple days ago that my high school friend wasn't on my friends list...then I saw her kids leave also. Then I see her mother post a status saying something to the effect of "the people who bitch about being negative are usually the ones with the most negative to say" or something like that. So I asked her flat out why her daughter and grandaughter's booted me and she says flat out..."the whining and drama". I was floored and hurt, so at first I just replied with "oh, ok. my bad" I didn't mention to her that when her daughter was on a lot complaining about her out of control son in her statuses, her van breaking down, etc, that it never occurred to me to unfriend her during the month or so of her complaining on FB. Friends don't do that.
But then I started thinking about it and thought.....why the fuck would you kick someone who is down?? Who does shit like that???? So I wrote her mom another message that said roughly that I have had some horrible things happen the past few months, and that I didn't realize the friendship with her family deem I be happy all the time no matter what. That the reason I do post on facebook is because I am reaching out to my friends.
Then I blocked her.
However, she's not blocked on here. So if your reading this Kathie, or Lisa, ....you both really upset me with what you have done. Lisa, you could have used the option that is there to just not see any status I wrote unless you were tagged in it, but no, you wanted me to know that I had bothered you with the fact that my life has been turned upside down, and you wanted me to know that I didn't matter enough even as a human being, to at least let me vent. Kathie, your comment about negative people and being the most negative...whatever. My marriage has been ripped apart, I have had some serious news about my health, ...yeah I think I have the right to talk about that on MY facebook and not to be lectured to about my "whining and bitching" ...I thought you and your family were my friends. Obviously I was wrong, so now you have been blocked so you don't have to be bothered by me.
God forbid either of you have something horrible happen to you, and the people you thought were friends shit on you for it. It's not a great feeling, and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I hope you learn to be better humans to other people, even strangers. Learn some humanity.
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Sunday, June 9, 2013
Betrayal and Loyalty..
What a week.
I know there is a lot of you wondering wtf is going on lately. Those of you who follow me on Facebook are probably aware that something has gone seriously awry in my life, and that most of my statuses seem like whiny pity fests.
Well, they are. Sorry, but it is what it is. I have been married for almost 18 years to my husband, have known him for twenty years. Like all married couples we have had our ups and downs, our arguments and our really hard times. However, something happened this past week that tore our relationship apart....rather, it tore me apart from it.
To make this a shorter story, I ask that you refer to the very FIRST post I made on this blog back in January. It's a short one, but important to this story. Here is a link to it http://shansief.blogspot.com/search?updated-max=2013-01-26T07:42:00-08:00&max-results=7&start=7&by-date=false
At the very end of that post, there is a line that reads "Oh, and for the record, my husband wants nothing to do with someone who treats his wife like shit, and that came straight from his mouth..."
Apparently I was wrong.
Last week we were at the store, and I noticed my husband wasn't beside me so I walked up the aisle to see if I could see him. I look over into the next aisle and there he is, hugging the very woman who had wrote me such a hateful email...that I talked about in that first blog. He's smiling and laughing with her, and then he sees me and walks up to me...as he nears me he points at me, smiles and says "Don't you say one word!!" She looks over at me and smirks. I promptly dumped my purchases at the register and walked out to my truck. He pays for the merchandise, gets in the truck. I am so upset and hurt that he would have anything to do with someone that was so awful to me (mind you, we have talked about this person before and he was WELL AWARE of how I felt), that I am bawling and I flat out tell him he's a piece of shit for doing that to me.
He gets mad at me because I hurt his feelings by telling him he's a piece of shit.
He then goes on to be shocked because he can't figure out what he did wrong.
He has made is perfectly clear now where I stand in his life, and what he thinks of me, by doing that. He has done a lot of shit in the past 18 years, but that was probably the most hurtful, embarrassing, mortifying thing yet. It's not something you can fix, and you definitely can't believe a sorry that comes after "It's not my fault, she approached me and I was shocked", "She came up to me, I didn't even see her till she was there" and that one was followed minutes later by "I saw her walk in the doors of the store", ...then denying he said hald this stuff.
So as of right now our relationship is up in the air until I decide whether I can get past this, or if I want to separate for awhile or if I just want to divorce.
I really think he did this on purpose though, I have felt for years that he has wanted out but doesn't want to look like the "bad guy" to people...much easier to make me want to leave and put me in that position. Especially since he hasn't done a damn thing to show me that he wants me to stay, even though he knows I am about to walk out the door.
So that's the story. Sucks to be me right now.
Peace,
Shannon
I know there is a lot of you wondering wtf is going on lately. Those of you who follow me on Facebook are probably aware that something has gone seriously awry in my life, and that most of my statuses seem like whiny pity fests.
Well, they are. Sorry, but it is what it is. I have been married for almost 18 years to my husband, have known him for twenty years. Like all married couples we have had our ups and downs, our arguments and our really hard times. However, something happened this past week that tore our relationship apart....rather, it tore me apart from it.
To make this a shorter story, I ask that you refer to the very FIRST post I made on this blog back in January. It's a short one, but important to this story. Here is a link to it http://shansief.blogspot.com/search?updated-max=2013-01-26T07:42:00-08:00&max-results=7&start=7&by-date=false
At the very end of that post, there is a line that reads "Oh, and for the record, my husband wants nothing to do with someone who treats his wife like shit, and that came straight from his mouth..."
Apparently I was wrong.
Last week we were at the store, and I noticed my husband wasn't beside me so I walked up the aisle to see if I could see him. I look over into the next aisle and there he is, hugging the very woman who had wrote me such a hateful email...that I talked about in that first blog. He's smiling and laughing with her, and then he sees me and walks up to me...as he nears me he points at me, smiles and says "Don't you say one word!!" She looks over at me and smirks. I promptly dumped my purchases at the register and walked out to my truck. He pays for the merchandise, gets in the truck. I am so upset and hurt that he would have anything to do with someone that was so awful to me (mind you, we have talked about this person before and he was WELL AWARE of how I felt), that I am bawling and I flat out tell him he's a piece of shit for doing that to me.
He gets mad at me because I hurt his feelings by telling him he's a piece of shit.
He then goes on to be shocked because he can't figure out what he did wrong.
He has made is perfectly clear now where I stand in his life, and what he thinks of me, by doing that. He has done a lot of shit in the past 18 years, but that was probably the most hurtful, embarrassing, mortifying thing yet. It's not something you can fix, and you definitely can't believe a sorry that comes after "It's not my fault, she approached me and I was shocked", "She came up to me, I didn't even see her till she was there" and that one was followed minutes later by "I saw her walk in the doors of the store", ...then denying he said hald this stuff.
So as of right now our relationship is up in the air until I decide whether I can get past this, or if I want to separate for awhile or if I just want to divorce.
I really think he did this on purpose though, I have felt for years that he has wanted out but doesn't want to look like the "bad guy" to people...much easier to make me want to leave and put me in that position. Especially since he hasn't done a damn thing to show me that he wants me to stay, even though he knows I am about to walk out the door.
So that's the story. Sucks to be me right now.
Peace,
Shannon
Sunday, June 2, 2013
So Much Change
Yikes, it's been way over a month since I posted. I really did start this blog with the intent of writing at least every other day, but life gets in the way I guess :) Anyhow, this post has the potential to be very long and might be all over the place, so hopefully you can hang in and read to the very end of this one.
Let's see....a couple months ago, my mother fell down her stairs and shattered her ankle. She had to have surgery and then had to recover a bit in a nursing home type thing. She's back at her home now, and seems to be doing well, except for a little cabin fever. Im so grateful that my sister Cathy and my niece Sarah were there to help her, since I cannot get there to help her (or my father either, who is in poor health..thank god for Cody being there) due to this stupid disorder of mine. Nothing like feeling helpless when your parents need you :/
May was a terrible month for me this year. Mother's day was absolutely horrible...spent all day in my room crying. My birthday was fine, but it was the first birthday since getting diabetes, and it was hard to not demolish the super cool Avenger's cake I had. I also had to make some seriously difficult decisions and changes in May, and people with severe anxiety like mine HATE change...it makes us feel like we don't have a handle on whats going on around us, like we have lost control. Unfortunately there are times in life when you can't control what is happening, it is what it is, and those are the most trying times for people like myself.
One of the changes I had to make, was removing someone from my life that never really was a friend to me thought they always claimed they were. It wasn't a planned thing, it was brought on by a comment this person made to me and it was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. I had known this person since 1989, and all through our "friendship" there were comments of me being a bad parent, times (early on when we had more than friendship) when I depended on this person for my welfare and my son's welfare where I was forced to leave my home, having to deal with women who had an addiction of some kind always coming before all his children.......I even had to put up with one of his women trying to sabotage my social security case years ago, and when he was told about it, he ignored the situation so his woman would not get mad at him. The comments about me being a bad parent were probably the worst....he always was commenting negatively about my parenting. Finally a couple weeks ago, he made yet another comment about it, and I snapped. I cut off all ties with him. Was it hard, yes. I think the hardest part tho, is that he thinks everything he did was ok...he really thinks that all these years he was such a good friend to me :(
Anyhow, that was a hard thing to do and it is having a not so great result on my son and I's relationship at this moment :( I am confident tho, that it will get better. At least, I am hoping it will get better :(
On a brighter note, I have made a new friend :) It's really hard for me to make friends and keep them (anxiety people are usually looked at as "high maintenance" people and being friends with us and our limitations is too much for a lot of folks) but my disorder doesn't seem to be an issue for her so that's way cool :)
We got a new dog for my youngest son, but for some reason the dog is attached to my hip haha. It's a year and half old Chihuahua named Rocco. He's a great dog, potty trained, listens well, and him and Cinnamon get along great. He's a larger Chihuahua, about the size of an adult cat, and doesn't sit there and shiver and whimper like the smaller ones tend to do. He also doesn't bark a whole lot, unless he hears something outside a door, then he barks the walls down. Good for home security I guess, since Cinnamon the chocolate lab will just take folks by the hand and bring them in the house to play with her :/ Rocco is easier for me to walk too, so I take him with me when I do my exercising to lower that annoying blood sugar.
Speaking of blood sugar.....yeah, diabetes sucks. I am actually beginning to envy the people who take insulin shots...they can eat things, and just take enough insulin to regulate their bodies. Not so easy for those of us who try to control it with diet/exercise....and when you add in the dental issues I have so that limits my food even MORE...yeah, diabetes is the suck. My fasting blood sugar (your blood sugar reading when you first wake up) is horrible...at least it is for me. It runs between 150 and 180, bleah. My readings during the day run between 130 and 165 so that's not TOO bad, but I want it to be better. Couple months ago I busted out a 258 in the middle of the day and that scared the shit out of me. I have a neat meter that shows your averages tho, and as of today my 7 day average is 152, and my 90 day average is also 152 so it could be worse. Stress is a huge issue for me too, and I think that is a big part of the blood sugars not being where I want them to be.
And that leads me to this.....we are going to be moving. Tentatively before next fall, but that's subject to change. We will be staying in town of course, but for my health I have to remove myself from the environment I am in now. Those of you who pray, please add us to those prayers that a place opens up for us very very soon.
I think that's about it for now. Wow, told you it might be long hehe. Anyways, thanks for reading.
Peace for all of you,
Shannon
Let's see....a couple months ago, my mother fell down her stairs and shattered her ankle. She had to have surgery and then had to recover a bit in a nursing home type thing. She's back at her home now, and seems to be doing well, except for a little cabin fever. Im so grateful that my sister Cathy and my niece Sarah were there to help her, since I cannot get there to help her (or my father either, who is in poor health..thank god for Cody being there) due to this stupid disorder of mine. Nothing like feeling helpless when your parents need you :/
May was a terrible month for me this year. Mother's day was absolutely horrible...spent all day in my room crying. My birthday was fine, but it was the first birthday since getting diabetes, and it was hard to not demolish the super cool Avenger's cake I had. I also had to make some seriously difficult decisions and changes in May, and people with severe anxiety like mine HATE change...it makes us feel like we don't have a handle on whats going on around us, like we have lost control. Unfortunately there are times in life when you can't control what is happening, it is what it is, and those are the most trying times for people like myself.
One of the changes I had to make, was removing someone from my life that never really was a friend to me thought they always claimed they were. It wasn't a planned thing, it was brought on by a comment this person made to me and it was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. I had known this person since 1989, and all through our "friendship" there were comments of me being a bad parent, times (early on when we had more than friendship) when I depended on this person for my welfare and my son's welfare where I was forced to leave my home, having to deal with women who had an addiction of some kind always coming before all his children.......I even had to put up with one of his women trying to sabotage my social security case years ago, and when he was told about it, he ignored the situation so his woman would not get mad at him. The comments about me being a bad parent were probably the worst....he always was commenting negatively about my parenting. Finally a couple weeks ago, he made yet another comment about it, and I snapped. I cut off all ties with him. Was it hard, yes. I think the hardest part tho, is that he thinks everything he did was ok...he really thinks that all these years he was such a good friend to me :(
Anyhow, that was a hard thing to do and it is having a not so great result on my son and I's relationship at this moment :( I am confident tho, that it will get better. At least, I am hoping it will get better :(
On a brighter note, I have made a new friend :) It's really hard for me to make friends and keep them (anxiety people are usually looked at as "high maintenance" people and being friends with us and our limitations is too much for a lot of folks) but my disorder doesn't seem to be an issue for her so that's way cool :)
We got a new dog for my youngest son, but for some reason the dog is attached to my hip haha. It's a year and half old Chihuahua named Rocco. He's a great dog, potty trained, listens well, and him and Cinnamon get along great. He's a larger Chihuahua, about the size of an adult cat, and doesn't sit there and shiver and whimper like the smaller ones tend to do. He also doesn't bark a whole lot, unless he hears something outside a door, then he barks the walls down. Good for home security I guess, since Cinnamon the chocolate lab will just take folks by the hand and bring them in the house to play with her :/ Rocco is easier for me to walk too, so I take him with me when I do my exercising to lower that annoying blood sugar.
Speaking of blood sugar.....yeah, diabetes sucks. I am actually beginning to envy the people who take insulin shots...they can eat things, and just take enough insulin to regulate their bodies. Not so easy for those of us who try to control it with diet/exercise....and when you add in the dental issues I have so that limits my food even MORE...yeah, diabetes is the suck. My fasting blood sugar (your blood sugar reading when you first wake up) is horrible...at least it is for me. It runs between 150 and 180, bleah. My readings during the day run between 130 and 165 so that's not TOO bad, but I want it to be better. Couple months ago I busted out a 258 in the middle of the day and that scared the shit out of me. I have a neat meter that shows your averages tho, and as of today my 7 day average is 152, and my 90 day average is also 152 so it could be worse. Stress is a huge issue for me too, and I think that is a big part of the blood sugars not being where I want them to be.
And that leads me to this.....we are going to be moving. Tentatively before next fall, but that's subject to change. We will be staying in town of course, but for my health I have to remove myself from the environment I am in now. Those of you who pray, please add us to those prayers that a place opens up for us very very soon.
I think that's about it for now. Wow, told you it might be long hehe. Anyways, thanks for reading.
Peace for all of you,
Shannon
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