Well hi! I know, it's been a long time, but believe it or not I have been super busy. I should write notes in between blog posts so I can remember everything I want to write about in my blog hahaha.

So let's see...last weekend was the annual city wide garage sale here from friday to sunday. We put out a table but didn't do too well. We didn't really expect to tho, so it was all good. Bob and Roz came and put up a table too so it was really fun just hanging out. Weather kind of cooperated..but def could have been better.

Monday brought a sad day. My youngest son's basset hound, Bentley, passed away. We think he had a series of strokes a few days before that, because he suddenly could not walk and began to urinate and defecate wherever he was lying down at. He had been having seizures for awhile now, and was ten yrs old. He's not struggling now and is running over fields of green with Kasha :) RIP Bent.

With that being said, here is an example of the type of people I have to live around in my apt complex. The Thursday before we had Bentley put to sleep, is when he started to have a problem walking. However, if we picked up his hind end and sat him on his feet he was still able to walk outside, albeit a bit wobbly. We told my son at that point that it was time for us to let Bentley go. He asked us if he could have the weekend with him and of course we said yes. Two days later, on Sat, we think he had another stroke and that was when he wasn't able to walk at all. He was in no pain, there was no whimpering and he was still eating and drinking just fine. To be honest, if the vet was open on saturday we probably would have talked to my son and did it then, but they aren't open on weekends.  Anyways, my point is, we did not let him suffer nor were we inhumane. The first time bent had to go outside after what we think was his first stroke, someone who is supposed to be my friend apparently sat outside making horrible remarks about what shitty people we are to "let a dog suffer like that" and that they should not have to look at the poor dog.

 Anyone who knows me knows I do NOT let animals suffer, and in fact I will go without to make an animal more comfortable. I have even risked losing where i live to help an abused or sick animal. So yes, these are the kinds of people I have to deal with daily. Real nice, huh.

Speaking of apartment living, I am really liking the new manager. She's doing quite well, and doesn't take any shit. I think she will be able to handle the more troublesome tenants we have with ease. Hopefully she stays around and doesn't get overwhelmed and leave.

Diabetes and I are currently locked into a power struggle that I am determined to win. My fasting numbers in the morning are high as hell (for me) and are elevated all through the day. However, I am pretty sure I know what the issue is, and I am busting my ass to remedy it and stay on a healthy track. Such an annoying fucking disease, diabetes lol.

Ok, think that's enough for now. I have plans for this weekend that I am hoping are going to relax me a bit from the stresses of where I live. You all have a nice weekend :)

Peace,

Shannon

Man, I Need To Blog More....

I really should blog more....it seems I forget unless something not-so-good is going on, and I don't want it to be like that all the time. I mean, yeah, my blog is great for venting and whatnot, but it's also good for just jibber jabbering about a variety of topics....like this entry is going to be :D

Found a new game, Cards Against Humanity. OMG, this game is HILARIOUS. It can get really crude though, you have to have a pretty sick sense of humor to enjoy it. We've played it a couple times now with friends and we have all muttered "Oh, I am so going to hell" at some point while playing it. Haven't laughed like that in a very long time tho. Best friends + a good game = love and fun :)

Got my hair cut today, then I messed with some color and it's totally fucking awesome. I also found some leopard print stuff this past week so I am excited about that. I LOVE leopard print clothes, blankets, anything. I found some leopard pajamas, a blanket, and some kick ass wedge flip flops in leopard print. Go me.

Oh! Most of you know this, but I got a new tattoo on sunday, and it fucking ROCKS! Its the Avenger's "A". It is so bad ass...There are pics of it on facebook. I got it on the inside of my right forearm, and that shit HURT when he got to the outside. Next month I am hoping for birthday money or gift certificates to Noguts Noglory Tattoo shop here in town (HINT lol)  so I can add the 4 symbols that I want to it.

Ok, off to rinse this shit out of my hair and see what new look I have come up with now :D Will try to post more later

Peace, ya'all

Shannon

Insecurities

I've always thought of myself as pretty self confident in my looks, I've never worried about how others view my appearance. It's not that I thought I was beautiful or drop dead gorgeous, it was just that I didn't care that others felt I wasn't, lol. I change my hair color every couple weeks or so, I use odd colors like pink or blue, I walk around with no teeth....I don't wear trampy clothing, but I really hate to be constricted so I do wear cleavage revealing tops a lot even tho I am overweight...other people's opinions just didn't matter to me.

Until now.

I don't know if its because my birthday is next month and these fucking birthdays seem to come faster and faster, if it's the fact I am diabetic, my disability, summer coming, or all of these things and more, but lately I am extremely insecure on how I look and how others see me. And let's be honest here folks, I look absolutely horrible. I must have been looking like a fool these past few years...walking around like I was a supermodel. Wtf was I thinking?

 I took a good look in the mirror today and I realized.....I have been hiding from the mirror. Literally hiding. Sure I used it to brush my hair and other small necessities, but I made those quick as lightning. So I took a good hard look today and I was appalled at what I saw. I was so pretty when I was younger. Now I can't even see any of that person in me. NOTHING.

Anyways, please do not leave any comments referring to me being pretty, or that I look fine. That's not why I wrote this and to be honest, I will know your lying and that will just irritate me. I am not looking for compliments, just posting how I feel and what changes my mind is going through now. Due to my disability, I have to be careful that this doesn't send me into a depression, thats my main concern at this time. I'm just shocked and disappointed that I let myself get this bad.

Bleah, so much on my mind. So much stress. Will write more later.

Peace,

Shannon